Nobody's Dead

The Dying Process

My friend, Julie's, beloved dog, Aero, is in his dying process. She works from home, so she can attend to his needs as they appear. It is not her wish to give him the vet "shot."  He's much too dear for that.  So she watches and waits and mourns.

All of us dog lovers know that dogs live their life differently than people.  I'm not talking about the ability to think,  skin vs. fur, and two legs vs. four.  I'm talking about hearts. Dogs, if not mistreated, seem to be able to live in their heart space.  Who else greets you at the door, tail wagging, tongue flapping, as you enter with a load of groceries?  Who else, after you were annoyed at his behavior, comes back as soon as it is safe, to rub up against you, his whole butt wiggling with delight at seeing you?  Who else returns love consistently even when you forgot to give it?

Aero is curled up on the expensive leather couch, which he commandeered as his own long ago.  Julie says it's so sad.  He has dementia. He's not eating. He barely moves. All he does is sleep. 

Dying for dogs is not much different than it is for people. We all acknowledge that as your body wears out, you have less energy as your organs slow down and you sleep more.  Gradually you become less active.  The Angels tell me that some amount of what we call dementia is normal.  What is really happening is our consciousness moves from what we think of as reality, "backward"  into other times. Past and present merge.  Old friends, dead for years, move to the forefront.

Physicists point out there is no time or space, no past or future. The dying are still in a body, but we move in and out of the physical world until one day we feel safe enough to change containers.  One day we allow ourselves to die, to leave our body.

The state of mild dementia, is a state of limbo, neither fully alive nor dead. It's the place of feeling your way into your new home.  Imagine yourself opening your eyes and seeing the dead looking alive. You recognize them, but your mind doesn't know how to categorize this picture.

Some of us are able to accept readily that we are returning to spirit form. Others either do not choose to leave the body now, or don't believe there is anything after death.  Some refuse to acknowledge what they see and do not allow themselves to reconnect with their old "dead" friends.  Some of us move into our dead space and see those we know and love, but live in this halfway house of dementia for years because of our culture's medical desire to keep everyone alive; or our personal desire to hold onto life for those we love.  Some of us are just afraid to leave behind our bodies, believing that our existence is over and we are too frightened of the unknown to let go.

With Julie's permission I will share her email this morning about Aero, "It seems like he doesn't know me but he is as sweet as ever. Saying goodbye is 'gonna' hurt so bad.  Even now with him seeming so different, his presence fills the room with love and calm.  It's amazing how much space a dog's love will occupy.  It's amazing what good company he is for me, even now when he's deep asleep and not himself."

This is the love that we all yearn for. From both Julie's side and Aero's, this is love without judgment, so seldom encountered in life in a body.

The dead show up in funny places

Yesterday as I grabbed a combo slice at CostCo, an old friend waved from 4 tables over and sat down to eat with me.  Dave and I enjoyed twenty minutes together dripping cheese and pepperoni and catching up on the news.

When he heard what I was up to he told me two recent happenings for him.  Apparently, a couple of months ago he had just bought a fancy new digital clock that projects the time onto his bedroom ceiling. Shortly after, he awoke suddenly at 3:10 a.m. to see the numbers flash on ceiling.  The next morning he found his 90 year-old mother had passed on. You guessed it. 3:10 a.m.

Dave is one of those guys who enjoys life and has the friends to prove it. His second story follows. One of his old gang had died and he and his drinking buddies got together within the week at their old hangout by the beach.

In their dead buddy's honor, and to share stories of their good times together, they all ordered up shots of tequila.  Just as Dave reached over to pick up his shot glass for the toast, and with everyone watching, the shot glass slid across the bar top.

It was definitely one more for old times sake.

Do the dead know when we are trying to reach them?

Absolutely! the Angels assure us. However, just as in life, everyone is not receptive to your advances. If you are trying to connect with someone who was withdrawn and unemotional in life, expect the same. If your friend was a scientific type who poo-poohed anything that could not be explained with traditional science, he might not know how to connect with you. Or he might think he made up the unexplainable experience of you, because this connection makes no sense in the physical world.

Some of the deceased may be ashamed of how they treated you, or of how they lived their life, and deliberately hold back.  Others are shy and afraid to come forward, just as they were reticent and stood back in life.

Then there are also those who died from a debilitating illness.  They are busy rebuilding their energy so they can move forward in this new part of their dead-life.

Of course there are always those with whom we've created a reciprocal love.  Often, they are anxious to let us know all is well. They are the ones who appear at the grave site as that unexplainable humming bird, flapping it's wings madly over their own coffin at their own funeral to make sure you'll notice. Or the ones who terrify you in the middle of the night by throwing every light switch on at 2:00 a.m., or flashing the TV on and off while you were trying to sleep.  These are the beings who still walk with you, if you allow it.

Someone asked me recently is we could check on their dead relative without them knowing. The Angels tell me it is possible and probable, especially if they have been deceased for a long time.  When we first pass on, we tend to stay close to those we love.

As time moves on and the distance between us lengthens, both sides acclimate to life without the other.  This includes the dead who have had the opportunity to reunite with old friends and interests left behind in a body.